Do the Gets = the Give ups?

I was asked to join the Leadership Zone podcast this week by its host Sile Walsh.  She asked me a good question that, although I cobbled together an answer for the show, got me thinking lots more afterwards:

Why do we find ourselves feeling dissatisfied with our careers in our 40s and 50s?

There are obviously many reasons – and some matter more to some people than others.

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My simple – and somewhat narrow and privileged - answer on the podcast was that in our 20s we’re flying high, able to seize every opportunity that work offers up, with pretty frequent promotions and pats on the head.  We can also ‘pivot’ quite far to try out different things: in my 20s I worked in service design, e-government, retail, marketing, e-learning, strategy etc.

In our 30s, our focus shifts homeward – we might buy a bigger house, start a family, get fit – work enables financial stability.  We move about less, start to specialise and build a reputation.  If we’re lucky our moves are vertical rather than horizontal.

I’m obviously speaking in very general terms.  This is my experience, not everyone’s I know - but neither do I believe my experience is unique.

By our mid 40s, the children need us less, but the financial burden tends to be pretty high, just at the time the promotion prospects thin out, there’s less developmental stretch, more politics to endure.

And these feelings can sometimes converge to make some people ask “Is this it?” and “Is this enough?” and “Can I do this for another 20 years? 20 years!” (especially when 20 years ago you were fresh out of university).

The cynical side of me also wonders if by this age many of us have begun to drink less of the Kool Aid, seen too many poor behaviours go unchecked, witnessed too many leaders not really leading and experienced too much change fatigue from the never-ending cycle of reorganisation.

But what I said to Sile was none of these feelings necessarily mean we have to leave our corporate jobs.  They may be the right place for us.  They certainly are if we take a balanced approach to work, where we get just as much as we put in.  And we don’t confuse things by giving loyalty or gratitude that a company can’t reciprocate.

One of the exercises in my book Corporate Escapology (available for pre-order) is the Balanced Corporate Equation, where I ask the reader or someone I’m coaching, to list out all the things they get from their job on one side – and on another all the things they give up.

‘Gets’ can be the obvious things like salary, pension, healthcare but also status, identity, routine.  ‘Give ups’ can be time away from loved ones, fatigue, independence, but also dreams of being X, self-confidence, excitement etc.

When everything’s added, the reader or client can circle the >, = or < to complete the equation.

In my experience coaching clients, this exercise can be quite revealing.  Firstly, because often what was once valuable to us is no longer – e.g. career advancement, salary.  And also because it can highlight an imbalance.

One client said to me:

“After a few obvious ‘Gets’ I dried up, whereas the ‘Give ups’ kept coming – and the more I wrote down, the more resentful I realised I have become.  And the more determined I became to get out.”

I’m not here to knock corporate jobs, but rather help people in those jobs, who feel trapped or powerless, to choose something different.

And for those people I’m here.  To help you prepare to leave.  To detach you from some of the bad thinking you may have allowed to fester that limits your beliefs, your aspirations, your confidence.

This week I approved the typesetting design of Corporate Escapology which felt like quite a big deal.  It really is starting to feel real now – that I, and I hopefully you, will be holding a copy in your hands in the next six months.

Once again, I appeal to your generosity to share this blog, the Instagram, the podcast/podcast whatever your poison, to people who you feel might need a good talking to about their job, to help them make it the fulfilling, rewarding and fun experience we all deserve.

If you’d like a copy of the Balanced Corporate Equation template message me and I’ll send you a PDF.