The Correction

“I used to be a buyer for retailers then I became a brand consultant and then I had two children. Now I have no idea what I should do. My confidence is on the floor and in three months my baby will go to nursery and I have to get a job”.

This is what one woman said at the end of my talk last week to a bunch of creatives hopeful that they could build a business using their talents.

Poor woman.

It felt like a cry for help in a very public setting.

And yet, she must have been pretty talented to get those kind of high profile jobs (you’d know the brands she worked for). She must be replete with skills, experience and know-how. They’re dream jobs if you’re in fashion or retail.

I could sense the awkwardness in the room - and everyone expecting me, The Expert, to come up with something snappy. Gulp.

But I struggle with platitudes. Or magic wands and silver bullets.

So I told her she needs to use the next three months to connect back with the roles she did, what made her successful, what problems she solved, what impact she had for both her employers and for the people around her.

I know her recent experience being a mother will have given her a raft of new skills (nothing quite forces us to cope with challenges like parenthood), but I advised her to come back to those.

Right now, her confidence problem isn’t to do with being a parent, it’s to do with not feeling ready for the workplace.

And the reality is she is not. She’s in completely the wrong place to be going for job, or starting a business or even deciding what she should do next.

She has to build herself up, ground up. And then bit by bit, day by day, she’ll remember how and why she was successful and her confidence will grow.

But it will take time. Potentially longer than the three months she has. But like planting a tree, the second best time is now.

It reminds me of an interview I did with someone for Corporate Escapology. I changed her name to Rhiannon in the book to preserve her anonymity. Her story was just as tragic:  totally burnout, toxic work environment, utterly hopeless.  She just wanted out, but had too many responsibilities to simply jack in her job. She knew this but when I said I thought transitioning out might take a year she burst in to tears (awkward over Zoom) – she wailed in fact.

But the truth is leaving your job might take time. You can always jump earlier than you’re ready but you’re not likely to end up in the right place. You should always make significant changes in your life based on rational, positive and confident thinking, not emotional, hurt or broken feelings.

Think about finding a new partner after a break-up, it’s similar.

And while the shift can take time, I’m always amazed at how quickly people rebound, turn the corner and start to feel better – probably because we know it’s what we want, it’s good for us and it begins to feed itself.

So if you’re feeling bruised right now (and I know a few of you are because we’ve spoken this week) know that it will pass, that now isn’t the right time to make the right decisions so don’t push yourself, that the best thing you can do is let yourself recover.

Spend time thinking about – and writing down – the best thing about you, the best things you’ve done and can do, how you’ve helped others, how you’ve solved complex problems, how people wanted you around.

No one needs to see it, it’s just for you, so don’t worry if it feels silly or boastful (I would almost bet my house it’s not boastful enough). Recognise this is therapy, it’s the antidote to all the bad thinking you’ve done.

The Correction.

Step by step, little by little, and one day you’ll notice that you’re ready.

If you, or someone you know, needs help to trigger the correction, message me – I would love to help, I really would.